The world does not all follow the same handbook (and that’s a good thing)

We all know that the world operates by some key, simple rules. What, you ask? That depends on the person you are asking. We are all social beings, shaped by a combination of genetics, environment and now, increasingly, what we consume. For me, coming from a middle-class household (nurture), the simple mantra was to study hard, find a respectable job and be independent. Don’t look at boys until you are well- settled and then find a suitable groom for marriage. And like a nerdy student (well, this was all nature- you can’t make someone a nerd, can you?), I followed suit. I enjoyed classes, declamations, making timetables with sparkly pens, and even exams (shudder, IKR?).

As I entered this adult life, I waited for the reward for this effort… and that was it. The effort was the reward. 40 more years and then that’s it. The life I was supposed to live was actually the life I had already lived. What next? Buying a house? Marriage? All good options. Sensible choices you make as an adult.

Except, I had this odd feeling in my stomach. That feeling was my gut telling me - do you even know what you believe in, what you want? Have you even tried? What are YOUR mantras?

At the same time that I was grappling with these feelings, another thing was happening. The world changed by the time I grew up. Now, speaking up was not just cool but required to survive. Gone were the days of the docile child being the ideal. The same family that wanted me to study and do nothing else were now asking where my social circle was. It’s not an uncommon phenomenon for parents to also grow up and change their expectations with the changing world. That’s human. We are just not great communicators; and feelings like pride, fear, and simply the inability to know exactly what effect words have on someone; interfere with the good intent we have.

So now, as I stand at another milestone, the big 30 approaching in less than a year, one mantra I have grown to understand is that the rules of life are ever changing.

Now here is a caveat, these rules during our childhood change with our experiences. A person who grew up in an environment marred by betrayals and manipulation will live his life on guard. He may choose never to trust someone fully. Because we tend to rely on past experiences to predict our futures, his gut tells him that’s the wise choice. Anyone who comes to him for guidance will receive advice that the world is a dark place, with people out to get you. And he is right in his way. The world in fact, is filled with terrible people who do terrible things. It might not be the complete picture but that piece in itself is not incorrect. That IS the world he inhabits.

The world outside of us similarly has lots of other worldviews, all shaped by their own experiences and mantras. Sometimes, they decay with time. A lot of things we see on our TVs and movies have dated concepts, but we understand and say they are ‘products of their time’. Those were the rules of those times, what the world accepted as mantras.

There is no predicting how and when those rules of the world change as time passes. The idea of a guidebook everyone should adhere to doesn't exist. What we all have are little kernels of truths in the parts, the memories, the experiences that we hold close in our lives. Knowing what YOUR rules and WHY they are what they are, comes with the acceptance of the fact that the world is not a singular, black and white place. And you could be a different person with different beliefs, with just a little change in circumstance. Knowing what has shaped you in the person you are helps you understand those whys. And then it becomes much simpler to understand, or simply accept where someone else’s truths might be coming from. A lot of that anger, envy, annoyance that comes from being with people with different behaviors and beliefs than our own, just goes away.

It just makes up for a lighter, even a more whole existence.